09 April 2014
Sometimes we forget that our children are human too. So much pressure and emphasis is placed on their "littleness" to behave a certain way, to eat with their mouths closed, not to spill their juice, to say please and thank you and to be mindful of what they say in not being so honest when they speak the truth, like calling someone fat. That is all they know, they don't know any other way to say it. Menial things that are not important in the greater scheme of things. Most of this pressure comes from parents who want their little angels to get feedback from "old schoolers" on "what well-mannered children you have". Proverbial pats on the back that are as empty as a finished bottle of booze. All the while their little spirits are crushed because they are brain-washed away from who they really are and all they really know how to be.
I had the most PHENOMENAL conversation with my eight year old little boy yesterday. We had to go do some shopping ( I loathe shopping) so when we popped back into the car what came out of his mouth stunned me into a silence that I battled to come out of. What he said was this: "Mom, do you know that people who are bad, like robbers, are not really bad. They are sad and angry so they try to hurt other people because they have no money for food. They are actually special people who don't know how to be special because they are angry, they don't know how to get their special out. And you know Mom, I can feel it in my heart and in my bones when I walk past people who are sad. I can feel their sadness because the wind that goes past me as they walk makes a little shock inside me so I pray for them". At this point I stopped him and I asked him what he meant about the shock, I asked him how it feels and if it's a physical shock that he can actually feel. He continued, "Yes Mom, I feel it like a shock when you put your clothes on in Winter, you know? That small shock?" I said static and he said yes. He went on, "Mommy, everyone is special and sometimes people do things they don't mean to do and sometimes I do things I don't mean to do and then I think in my mind 'Gabriel that wasn't very nice' but then I don't know how to fix it, I feel embarrassed. So I don't believe that people are bad, they are not born that way but sometimes their lives are so sad that they feel they must do bad things to get what they want. Everybody just wants to be happy Mom."
I wish I was able to record the string of mind blowing words he had uttered but I was driving and if I had tried it would have put him off so from what my memory was able to retain is what I have been able to record in written form. I think us adults think we have it all together, that we have all the answers but we are more messed up that we will even admit. We have no tolerance for bad behaviour without trying to understand why, we have no patience for people we see as beneath us because they have less than us. As a growing child into adolescence I was told on countless occasions, "SHUT UP! You have no idea what you are talking about!" If only the adults in my life back then had listened, they would probably have learned something but they were too busy chasing their next drug induced hit to listen to a kid who, in their minds, had no idea what she was talking about. That is why I write because I never thought my opinion mattered, I never felt like I belonged anywhere.
I will never stop listening to my children, no matter how silly what they have to say might seem because to them, what they have to say is of paramount importance. It is all that exists in their world because it is a projection of how they feel. It cements a sense of belonging and that they too have a place in this world, that their opinion MATTERS, that THEY matter. And they SO do! When your child stops talking to you, you know you have a problem. We think we are here to teach our children right from wrong...hehe...we are so sadly mistaken. Take some time to talk to a child and tell me you don't walk away feeling like a fool because you think you know it all.
I don't care how many times my children spill their juice or talk with their mouth full of food, it is inconsequential because the common sense, compassion and deeper understanding of how things really are that is carried in their 'small' minds and hearts, far outweighs the juice on the floor that I won't remember next week.
How I see it...
I see, speak and write in metaphors because I feel there is much we can learn from nature, people and our surroundings as depicted in my photographs and why I enjoy sharing my thoughts. Not in any attempt to convince or convert you to my way of thinking, seeing or feeling but to share how I see and experience MY mind map of the world. You at no time have to agree, all I ask is that my views and the views of others who wish to express theirs are kindly respected. So relax, get comfy and just enjoy. Happy reading!