I just recently finished reading this book and I cannot begin to tell you how much I cried and in turn found a chasm deep within me to forgive and let go of a past I know now was not my fault. I knew before I opened the book that it was going to be like that; intrinsically healing. I knew because there is so much of Lily inside me; a little girl who lost her mother at far too young, brought up by an abusive father who had far too much pain inside him that he knew what to do with, so he hurt himself and everyone else who got too close.
The story resonated so deeply that I will cherish it's message for as long as my mind and heart can hold onto it. I always thought my mother selfish for committing suicide, for abandoning me to take care of my younger sister and myself without even leaving me a manual at the age of seven on how to BE a mother. That's how long I have been one. But none of what she or my father did was because of me, it was their own 'stuff', their own demons and it's taken me a long time to exorcise them by finding that hard and angry space within my throbbing heart to bend to my knees and honour their stuff that I cannot own but tried to for so long. It's not mine nor will it ever be. All I've ever really searched for throughout these years of trying to make sense of why I was born to two truly damaged souls was a clue somewhere in all that chaos that perhaps they did love me. That I actually mattered to them. Because their actions demonstrated quite the opposite. I will never really know that answer but I comfort myself with the fact that I am still here and a certain amount of love must have been present to allow for that to happen. I guess they loved me in the best way they, in all their brokenness, knew how.
This is the one of the most powerful lines in the book and it was the final moment where it all came full circle for me. The penny dropped with a resonance so loud that it thundered in my soul long after the words had left my eyes.
So, to all of you who are or aren't or cannot be, Happy Mother's Day...find that Mother in yourself before anything or anyone else because she's there, waiting for you to tell her you love and cherish her.
“You have to find a mother inside yourself. We all do. Even if we already have a mother, we still have to find this part of ourselves inside”
- Sue Monk Kidd, The Secret Life of Bees -
How I see it...
I see, speak and write in metaphors because I feel there is much we can learn from nature, people and our surroundings as depicted in my photographs and why I enjoy sharing my thoughts. Not in any attempt to convince or convert you to my way of thinking, seeing or feeling but to share how I see and experience MY mind map of the world. You at no time have to agree, all I ask is that my views and the views of others who wish to express theirs are kindly respected. So relax, get comfy and just enjoy. Happy reading!